Shame is a negative feeling directed at yourself, such as saying, “I’m a bad person” instead of “I did a bad thing.” Shame often drives self-destructive behaviors to ease that pain. Engaging in those behaviors perpetuates the shame and leads to more self-destructive behaviors. This can be a hard cycle to break.

Start by replacing little harmful behaviors with those that are healthy and which foster pride, the antithesis of shame. For example, instead of telling a white lie, tell the truth. Take responsibility for your little messes and make positive lifestyle choices that promote good physical and mental health. Improving your self-image will help you let go of the shame, and you’ll be less likely to want to engage in the behaviors that bring it back.